Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
