Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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