What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
