Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
