i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
