Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
