he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Randomize
