I molested 6 butterflies tonight
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I am spending my child support on dildos
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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