I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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