Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
