What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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