He asked to "fluff my boner.."
there's paper in my vomit.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
