i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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