shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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