3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
He uses pillows to masturbate.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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