you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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