even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
