What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
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