So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
