NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
