sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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