You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
