If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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