Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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