5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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