Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
You were trust falling into bushes
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
