I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
