he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
