I wish I only lived at night.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
God gave him joint rollers for hands
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize
