so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
