I'd wear matching sweaters with you
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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