how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
