Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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