Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
