I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
