I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
