Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
