Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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