She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
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He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
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I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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