if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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