Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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