sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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