It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
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