Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
