It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
