You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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