the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
