make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
