"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
