For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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