end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
