YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
