He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
