I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Randomize
