I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
