do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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