Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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