i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
