I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
