You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
This toilet bowl is my home.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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