the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Randomize
