Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
