Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
