um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Of course I have a pirate flag
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
